My life

even with all the blessings in my life right now they seem over shadowed by all my frustrations. Physically I am really struggling again. I have messed up my back but the doc and I can't seem to figure out how. My job requires a lot of bending and lifting (mostly very light weight stuff) it is starting to become very difficult to work. A couple nights in the past week I have seriously considered calling one of the guys I work with to walk me out to my car because I wasn't certain I would make it by myself. Now i find this sooo frustrating for a couple reasons. I have lost 60 pounds in the past year. I am in more pain now than I was then. Though I had several months pretty much free of pain, I have been in pretty much constant pain for the past 3 months. I am sooo tired of being in pain. It seems if it isn't physical pain it is emotional.

One of the other things that frustrates me is that I have to be on medication in order to feel somewhat normal emotionally. I was put on anti depressants about 4 months ago. It has really helped even out my moods but I don't like the fact I can't control them on my own. I don't miss the deep depression I would get in but I just wish I didn't have to some what rely on drugs to fix it.

On positive note I am now a full time cummins employee! I have my own benefits and paid vacation now.

I hope you all are doing well!
Jannelle